hanashin

So lately there have been a lot of things going through my mind!

In the last three years, my dad has died, my brother was kicked out by my mom's new-ish husband, and I got married. I have been up and down lately... super emotional.. Thankfully my husband has been here to help me through many panic attacks and ruts I have put myself into. He has really come along way as my life partner. He tries really hard to be here for me, even while he is at work. I have been getting better at dealing with my panic attacks, though. I have two dogs and two guinea pigs- you think that I would be able to move on through these attacks just fine. Apparently there is more to it than that. Ah, well... so is life. 

As for my dad, he passed away due to cancer, and I was trying to find THEE perfect tattoo to get, but the ideas just aren't there... I am having such a hard time thinking about what tattoo I should get. It might be just easier to let the artist draw one for me lol I have an idea, but actually coming up with the courage to go talk to a tattoo artist, and not bawl my eyes out while trying to tell them what I want... Yeah, that's going to be fun for me... I have no idea what I should do at this point... I guess I will figure it out when I get there. As for now, I need to get my life together... geez

I've been working on a drawing for my dad, for quite sometime now. He has kidney cancer, but is going through chemo treatments, and is actually doing very well. So this drawing I'm working on is a koi fish drawing. I figured, that since stress is the number one cause of cancer, that I would draw something tranquil. I decided that koi fish are very relaxing to watching swim, and all that good stuff. I just can't decide what color to make the fish. >.< That's why it's taking me so long to finish it....  It's been like a month since I started this drawing.... I can't find the ambition to finish it... I know I really want to give the drawing to my dad, but I can't make up my mind about the colors!! Delayed.... still delayed.... Ugh, I just wish that I could find something to get me motivated to actually finish it.... 

So I have a friend that lives in PA... I will hopefully be going out there to hang out with him for a week, and during this week is his birthday and Otakon. If everything pans out, that's where I'll be. Anyway, my newest plan is to do a drawing. Of what? Well, a while back, my friend and I met on an rpg forum, and our characters became friends, yada yada yada lol. And they eventually kissed. Well, I have some very strong feelings for this friend, and he knows it. He feels pretty much the same too... I think... So I want to draw a picture of our characters kissing, but shhhh!! He cannot know. This may be his birthday present, if I go out there to see him. I really have no other ideas lol. I am hoping that he forgot about my deviantart account lol.


Anyway, I'll post it on here when I'm done with it.

So... I've been trying to get ideas for new drawings. I love inspiration, so sometimes I look at other people's drawings. Recently, nothing has even caught my eyes a little bit. I just want to draw something meaningful to me right now, at this point in time. That's really hard to think about... I'm not sure what is really important to me right now. I have a wonderful fiance, and I might be moving in with him before the end of the year, but I also start at tech in January. I have no idea what to do. My mom is basically bribing me to stay home while I go to school, but I don't really think I can take much more of living here... Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but the last few years has been rough. Not sure I can do it anymore. And with my fiance, he'll be working all the time, so I won't really get to see him unless he doesn't have to work, like on weekends. I don't know right now... Guess I need to hurry up and make up my mind...


>.< So many choices!!!